Say Nice Words

Wow, a very, very long 3 month hiatus!   I'd love to give you a reason, but as best as I can figure out - I just got really busy and perhaps stopped seeing the humor in my kids.  Or, rather, was still seeing the humor but not finding the time to document it.  Let's hope it was the latter, as the former sounds really depressing.

Anyway, little Miss Charlotte has changed so much in the last six months.  She's incredibly verbal now.  I think I've relayed in the past what a turkey she is, too.  And now she is pairing these two skills beautifully to further exasperate those who try to provide any form of discipline.

A scene:

It is late.  We are at my parent's house.  Charlotte is tired.  Contrary to her usual preference, she is demanding to use the little girl potty insert.  However, she refuses to allow me to help her put it in or get onto it and is having immense trouble doing it herself.

Me:  Charlotte!  You need to let me help you!  It is very late, past your bedtime.
Charlotte:  NO!  Me do it me self!
Me:  OK, well then do it by the time I count to three or else I'm doing it.
Me:  1..........2.............3 - ok, my turn.
Charlotte:  screams, flails, kicks, hollers, spits, hops, etc.
Me:  I put the potty seat in and try to put her on it, she obviously continues the above.
Me:  (yelling loudly now, because well, that's my parenting style)  STOP IT!  Get on the potty right this minute or else I will put Princess Cat into timeout for the next week!!  You are being a very disobedient little girl!!
Charlotte:  (stops screaming and gets herself fully into control, looks me dead in the eyes)  You need to say nice words me, Mommy.  Those are not nice words.  You say nice words me.

Scene 2:

We're trying to leave the mall.  It is mid-afternoon on a day after a terrible night's sleep.  We are tired.  And cranky.  And more of us than usual as I was with my mom and my niece in addition to my two.  Needless to say, as we approached the door to leave the mall, someone had to pee.  We trek back to the food court to the family bathroom that is more like a play room with little people toilets (it is no wonder someone always has to pee...).  Of course, the toilets are "out of order."  So we trudge across the food court to the ladies' room where we are finally able to resolve our issue.  Try to exit the mall again and, of course, someone's shoe becomes untied which is apparently a show stopper.  We then resume our trudge through the 97 degree Florida sun, bouncing off of the asphalt. as Charlotte (who, by the way is riding on my back) begins to complain.....

Charlotte:  I want to throw pennies in the fountain!
Me:  No.
Charlotte:  But I waaaaaaant to.
Me:  No.
Charlotte:   I WAAAAAAAANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me:  (not quite yelling, but in an obviously angry tone of voice)  We are NOT throwing coins in the fountain, I KNOW you want to and frankly I do not care!  There will be no coins!  So STOP SAYING IT.
Charlotte, calmly:  Mommy.  Those are not nice words.  You need say nice things me.

It is completely disarming.  You can't keep yelling at her when she says that.  All I can manage to say is "well, I will say nice words to you when you start acting like a nice little girl" but at that point the bite is gone from my voice and the moment has passed.  She told Doug the other day to "top yelling me Daddy.  Top yelling."  (He was yelling at her for her usual refusal to put shoes on).  He had to stop yelling and laugh.

So she wins.  She has nerves of steel, that kid.  And she has found a way to defeat us.