Monday, March 31, 2008

happy opening day!

In honor of one of our favorite days of the year, here is Elisabeth in full little girl regalia singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." Note, she cheers for the "humpty."

Saturday, March 29, 2008

big week for Charlotte

This has really been a huge week, developmentally, for Miss Charlotte. As of today we can say she is crawling. She's not fast, but she gets from point A to point B entirely on her hands and knees. She also pulls up on things now, much to her delight. She repeats "ba ba ba ba" if you say it to her. She looks to be getting a tooth.

She gets so excited by seeing other kids. She flaps her little arms and kicks her legs and yells "eeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" until they pay attention to her.

That's all for today. I just wanted to document the day we can claim Charlotte crawled. I think I'm getting sick, so I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow maybe I'll post a couple of videos of Elisabeth singing and a pretty funny picture of her in some new dress up clothes that our neighbor gave her. Elisabeth dictionary entry: "tippy shoes" = high heels.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Jesus has two daddies.

This morning, Elisabeth was looking at pictures in this picture-book bible that my mother sent the girls for Easter.

E: Mommy, what is this book about?
Me: It is called a "Bible." It has stories about Jesus and God and Noah and other people.
E: Who is God?
Me: (how to explain this...) God made the world and everything in it. He's Jesus' daddy.
E: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Joseph is Jesus' daddy. Why did you say God is Jesus' daddy? It is Joseph. Remember? We have the Little People. Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus.
Me: (totally stymied for how to explain myself out of this one...) Ummm, that is a question that I'll have to explain to you when you're a little bit older. Jesus has two daddies.
E: oh. ok. Is there a picture of Jesus with his two daddies in this book?

There's a kids book, Heather Has Two Mommies. So this is the original: "Jesus has two daddies." Turns out this is a popular liberal t-shirt and bumper sticker. Who knew?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I think this one's going to be trouble...

Melissa had it right. Ban the word "whatever" in all its forms. Two nights ago, I said to Elisabeth, "you can have whatever you want" in relation to her choices for dinner. "But mommy, we can't say whatever." Doug explained, "well, you can say 'whatever' in certain circumstances, such as like what Mommy said - you can have whatever you want. That isn't a bad way to use 'whatever.'" End of conversation. Last night, she was actually frustrated with something and what came out? "UGH..... whatever you want." Impossible not to actually laugh.

I didn't think it possible that I'd have two social butterflies, but Charlotte is quite possibly more social than Elisabeth. We went to the zoo yesterday and she spent the entire time flailing her little arms and trying to get other kids' attention. Oh, and I'm not sure when you say a kid is actually crawling, but this morning she moved all 4 limbs in a crawling motion without falling on her face, so I think we're really close.

At the zoo yesterday, you'll be happy to know we avoided a repeat of the baby goat on Elisabeth's head incident. Elisabeth, however, went through the entire petting barn with her hands over her head, her eyes squinted, and saying, 'eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnn.' Big whimp. Then when we got out of the petting barn she said, "mommy, why that goat fell on my head?" And I said, "he didn't mean to fall on your head, he just had all four of his little legs perched on that one little post and he lost his balance." E said, "he wasn't being careful?" And I laughed. And she said, and I quote, "well, you don't have to laugh." Poor little thing was traumatized by a baby goat losing its balance and landing on her head over a year ago, and mean mommy laughs about it.

They had about forty baby lambs there yesterday. I'm going to need a few lambs, they were about the cutest things you can imagine - all piled up on each other sleeping. Elisabeth was brave enough to "pet" one - she'd only pet a non-bleating one and then only if I was distracting its head so she could quickly tap its rump. At this zoo, they have a hay ride that you take around this Serengetti looking area and animals come up to the wagon to get patted on. They have two camels. Camels are the funniest looking creatures on earth and they make the greatest grumbling noises while moving their lips. They also scare the bejeezus out of Elisabeth. She clung to me like white on rice when those camels came and stuck their big heads next to ours. Charlotte on the other hand reached out for them.

When we left the zoo, Elisabeth said, "I wasn't scared, Mommy. And no goats felled on my head. They were being more careful."

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

two funnies before 8:15am.

First, Elisabeth has an imaginary friend named Elspeth. Doug tells her wild stories about the adventures of Elspeth. Last night, Elspeth had a slumber party with Elisabeth. This morning, Elisabeth brought Elspeth in to wake me up. Elisabeth always carries Elspeth in the palm of her hand, how one might carry a teeny little fairy or something (to the extent we carry fairies, but its the best example I can come up with). Her hand held palm up at about shoulder level, with her fingers partially curled up - as though her cargo is quite precious. She said, "look mommy, Elspeth came with me to wake you up."

When we first wake up, Elisabeth gets to watch a bit of educational TV (parents: watch Between the Lions and Super Why - they are really great programs that teach kids to read! And, Between the Lions has some Wayne's World and Monty Python references). She likes to sit in my chair with me "for a few whiles." This morning, though, Charlotte wanted to eat which meant Elisabeth couldn't sit with me. I cautiously explained this to Elisabeth, fully expecting tears, and she said "oh that's ok. But Elspeth can sit with you. You know why? Because Elspeth is pretend, so she doesn't take up much space."

Then she followed that up with, "Daddy, Mommy and I heard the baseball song yesterday." Doug immediately thought this was his favorite baseball song (Centerfield by John Fogarty), but in fact it was "Take me out to the ballgame," which is Elisabeth's favorite baseball song. Elisabeth continued, "Mommy wanted me to sing 'for its root, root, root for the Phillies' but I want to root for the Humpty." We tried to get it on video, but its hard to understand her with the cereal in her mouth.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

grownups must be really strange to kids.

Today, I got a little parroting back of what I must sound like to Elisabeth. Or how she must think we adults talk. Elisabeth wore a Hello Kitty necklace to school today. She hadn't ever heard of Hello Kitty. I guess someone at school told her what it was. So in the car on the way home, she says to me,

E: Mommy, this necklace is Halo-kaity. Can you say Hey?
me: what?
E: can you say HEY?
me: hey
E: low
Me: low
E: Kaity.
Me: Kaity. You know its Hello Kitty, not Halo Kaity right?
E: OH! Hello Kitty! That's right.

Then three minutes later I hear her in the backseat saying
E: h- h-h- ham b-b-b- burger.
E: w-w-w-with, k-k-ketchup, pickles, tomatoes and steak.

(we were on our way to Wendy's)

She sounds out words all the time. The poor thing must think all adults go around sounding out words to find out what letters are in them.

And, her new saying for the day - "Holy smokes!" We can't figure out where she learned it. She came home from preschool saying it. I first heard it today when we were playing table tennis and she hit one back and yelled "Holy smokes!" in the same way an adult might yell "hot damn!" We've heard it a few more times since then.

Monday, March 24, 2008

In my never ending quest to get that mother of the year plaque, we decided to move Charlotte from the comfort of her amby baby hammock to the crib last night. This caused 4 hrs of crying - not consecutively but cumulatively. As a result, everyone's eyes have baggage. But today she seems to realize that the crib is a place for sleeping and hasn't put up much of a fuss for either nap times or for bed time.

In other Charlotte news, I finally witnessed her roll from back to front - which up until now she had only been doing in private.

Elisabeth wore out 5 adults this past weekend and kept on ticking. She loved Easter and all the traditions that came with it. She dyed eggs - two to be exact. Half blue, half yellow, with a stripe of green in the middle (help from her parents was required for this). Then she colored on them with markers. She wasn't interested in trying other colors, for her "favorite favorite" colors are yellow and blue. With each couch cushion she moved while looking for eggs she said, "oh, I hope there's one here, I hope so!" I just love her enthusiasm for everything she does.

Today when she went upstairs with Doug to play before bath time, she told him they were going to play Easter. Her version of an Easter egg hunt goes like this: you hide the blue egg, she hides the yellow egg. Then you look for the blue egg and she looks for the yellow egg. You read that right. It is great fun - for her.

Elisabeth got 101 Dalmations from the Easter Bunny. Cruella De Ville smokes. I took this as an opportunity to tell Elisabeth about the horrors of smoking, how no one should smoke. Each time I tell her about this (3 times now), she is adamant that "it's ok - we can smoke outside. That's ok." She refuses to believe that smoking is never ok. Luckily she's 3, and it is unlikely that Griffin in her preschool class is going to be pressuring her to light up.

I'm relieved that spring break is over and we can get back to our regular schedule. It turns out I like the kids' schedules more than they do.

I'm too tired for any more stories. Oh no, you need one more. About vitamins. Somehow, Elisabeth has decided that if she forgets to take her vitamin - she gets sick to her stomach. She got the stomach flu the night we came home from the bar exam. A few days later, she explained that she hadn't received her vitamin that day, and that's why she got sick. Well, today, she has a little stomach something going on (details are more than you really need to know, suffice it to say that it is not a good sign when she sheepishly comes over to you and says "can I put on a diaper please?"). As I cleaned her up, she said, "oh, mommy! I forgot to have my vitamin today! That's why I'm sick..." So take your vitamins.

Friday, March 21, 2008

poopersaucer and naptime.

First, my apologies to those without children - that section of the population that doesn't discuss bodily functions as though it is as proper of a discussion topic as the weather. But there is a phenomenon in our house worth noting - the exersaucer and its effects on Charlotte's pooping habits. Without fail, I can put her in the saucer and she'll poop. I don't put her in at a given time of the day, I don't even put her in every day. It is amazing. Within a couple of minutes, out comes a poop. Quite convenient for those times I'm about to go out of the house with her for awhile and don't feel like carrying loads of diapers - just in case.

Yesterday, Elisabeth took a nap. She had heard me tell 3 different people in the previous 24 hrs that we were putting Elisabeth to bed an hour earlier than before because she didn't nap anymore. All of these people said something along the lines of "oh, that's too bad that she doesn't nap anymore. Our child goes to bed about an hour later, they get more time to play." So, yesterday, Elisabeth decreed that she now takes naps again. She climbed onto the couch with Mickey and Minnie and snored (purposely). So I told her that taking a nap means that you actually have to sleep and sleeping is a quiet activity. Three minutes later, the kid was zonked out. She slept for 45 minutes. I'm not sure this is a good plan though because then she didn't want to go to sleep until almost 9pm (usual bedtime is 7:30). And then she woke up at 6am (normal wakeup 7am) and came into our room. So I might discourage the naps. It seems that with a nap we have more Elisabeth awake time.

We're off for Easter weekend now. We have practiced our egg hunting. We've discussed our egg dying strategies. We're honed Easter machines at this point.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

three year old conversations.

Last story about ugh, forever - I promise - unless of course something else funny happens.

Yesterday, we had lunch with Elisabeth's friend Sam and Sam's mom, Melissa. Sam (of the "whatever" fame) and Elisabeth had an entire conversation about the proper usage of the word "whatever." It turns out "whatever" is a naughty word, never to be used, especially by your parents lest they want to be called out on it by their preschoolers. It went kind of like this:

E: Sam, you said "ugh, forever" when you been at my house.
S: NO I DID NOT! That is a naughty word. We don't use that word. Geema said that word. It is naughty.
E: You said it at my house.
S: No, I did NOT.
E: yes, you said "Ugh forever."
S: No. it is a naughty word.

Finally we intervened because clearly this wasn't leading to a resolution. That would require ambassadors, a fancy spa location, and millions in tax dollars. Within 30 seconds, the naughty, naughty word came out of Melissa's mouth. I believe she said "we do whatever we are asked to do," or something innocuous like that. Well, that did not fly under the preschooler naughty word radar and so now when we're with our girls we must use more words than necessary to explain our point. "We do those actions that have not yet been defined when we are asked" is approximately how Melissa had to rephrase her statement. The girls are like those buzzers in Taboo. Seriously, I think Elisabeth might have a career ahead of her as a buzzer operator.

Case in point, on the phone with Doug today I said "its ok, whatever," in relation to a situation yesterday that didn't exactly please me (but was also in no way anyone's fault) - a perfectly valid usage of the word "whatever." We were in the car, she was having a snack and singing along loudly to Redneck Girl. Yet that word apparently registered on her radar. Elisabeth scolded me. Oh the shame.

It is so funny that something like "ugh forever" has become so interesting to her. She's definitely toying with saying it when she's angry at me, but instantly switches to "sweet Elisabeth voice" (which is a whole post in and of itself) after she says it. It is almost like she's realized that when people are angry, they express those feelings verbally. This is shocking if she is just discovering it now, considering I am not exactly the type of mother who expresses her displeasure with her kids by sweet, gentle words.

Charlotte is increasingly mobile. She moves mostly backwards. But she's apparently quite good at rolling over, even though I still haven't actually seen her do it. I've found her on her belly after leaving her on her back many times now. She's so cute, though, she just loves her toys. Elisabeth always needed one of us to play with her whereas Charlotte would rather sit on the floor and play with her toys. Elisabeth still needs one of us to play with her.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Hey. And ugh, forever - part 2

Today, in the car, driving through Tyson's Corner:

E: HEY Mommy!
Me: What?
Me: Hey what?
E: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WHAT??????????????
E: Hey. Right there. Hey. In that truck.
Me: Ahhh, hay.
E: Is that barn hay?
Me: no, it is garden center hay. but maybe it was in a barn before that.
E: is it going to the lawyer's office too?
Me: No.

can you guess where the truck full of hay went? And can you guess what came from the back seat? "See, I told you it was going to the lawyer's office..."

Elisabeth continues to say "ugh.... forever." But now it is very quickly followed by "I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying it..." We tried to explain to her that the word "whatever" is not always bad, it is only bad to say "ugh... whatever" when we're trying to be mean. So now, it gets stuck in her head and she realizes that she's been caught saying something naughty and has to cover her rear...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

marriage has the kid confounded

The other day, on our way home from preschool, Elisabeth wanted to hear her favorite song these days, Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo from Cinderella. This got her chatting about the wicked step mother.
E: "Why the step mother is mean mommy?"
Me: "She doesn't like Cinderella."
E: Why not?
Me: I don't know.
E: She likes Anastasia and Druzilla, right mommy?
Me: Yes, they're her daughters.
E: Cinderella isn't her daughter?
Me: No, she is Cinderella's step mother.
E: What's a step mother?

I should have feigned ignorance on this point. This is not an easy subject to explain to a three year old. But since Doug has a step mother who is decidedly not an evil step mother (quite the opposite in fact), I wanted to dispel any notions that evil must always precede "step mother." So I said...

Me: A step mother is when your daddy isn't married to your mommy, and instead is married to someone else.
E: You're married to daddy. You listened to Allison Krauss when you got married. And I stayed home and played with Becky. (the babysitter, she is confused about anniversaries and weddings.)
Me: Right, I'm not your step mother, I'm your mother.
E: Oh.
E: I'm going to marry Charlotte.
Me: Oh, why?
E: Because she's my besssssst friend.
Me (relieved, thinking the step mother conversation had satisfied her and I don't have to try to explain this anymore...): Oh, that is so sweet.

blissful peace for 30 seconds.

E: What's a step mother?
Me: ok. you know how Pop Pop - daddy's daddy - isn't married to Gram? But is married to Nana? Well Nana is daddy's step mother.
E: gasp! Nana is a step mother? OH I am so happy! (she loves Cinderella).
E: (ponders this new concept)
E: So, are you my step mother?
Me: no, I'm your mother. A step mother is someone who is not your mommy.
E: I'm not your mommy - so I'm your step mother!
Me, in utter frustration: No. You're my little girl. If Daddy ever married someone else, she'd be your step mother.
E: Daddy's getting marrrrrrried???
Me: No. Daddy is already married. To me. And I'm your mother, not your step mother.
E: oh. Nana is nice, though.
Me, happy that the entire conversation has not been for naught: Yes. Nana is nice. Cinderella's step mother is not nice, but Nana is very nice.

I think just maybe she was pulling my leg throughout some of that conversation because she is not usually so exasperating.

Then this morning, she got Doug's wedding ring and said, "Daddy, here's your work ring." (He only wears it when he leaves the house, which is essentially only when he goes to work). He told her that it is his wedding ring so people know that he's married to mommy. She put it on and started explaining that she was going to wear it so that everyone knows she's married to Charlotte.

Saturday, March 15, 2008


I finished the mittens I've been working on for Elisabeth just in time for spring! That didn't stop Elisabeth from wearing them to school and telling her teachers all about them, making the hours of knitting worth it.

And here is a cute picture of Charlotte. Maybe she'll get mittens next summer. She is still in an almost crawling phase. I think she'll be mobile soon.

she needs a haircut, huh? She only has one swath of hair that is of any measurable length. It is the reverse mullet.

Friday, March 14, 2008

ughhh.... forever!

Last Friday we had Elisabeth's little friend Sam come over to play while her mommy worked. At one point, Sam wasn't sharing and so I told her we needed to share. She had had enough by that point and looked at me and said "ugh.... whatever!" And stomped off to the corner to sulk. So I told her that I was pretty sure her mother didn't let her say things like that, and I know that I don't let Elisabeth say things like that. So when Sam's mother came, I told her what had happened and she too explained to Sam that it isn't a phrase we use.

Fast forward one week. Today, while I chatted with Doug on the phone I said "well, whatever, it doesn't matter anyway." And Elisabeth promptly said, "MOMMY! We don't talk like that here. That is a naughty word!"

I tried to explain to her that "whatever" is only a naughty word when you use it like Sam did --- "Ugh.... whatever!" So all day now, she's been practicing - and I mean ALL day, at least 40 times. Not saying it because she's mad, but saying the words because she's awful confused about the whole concept. She cannot remember the word "whatever" though, and keeps saying "ughhhhh - FOREVER!" And then sweetly saying, "mommy - is that right?"

I wasn't sure whether I should correct her, ignore it, or encourage her to say "forever"- so I've done a mix of the three to further confuse the issue.


For those of you keeping score, I made it 6 days without any studying or work and now I'm bored. Maybe I will go to med school now.

We were scheduled to go to the Reston Zoo this morning, but the stinking zoo doesn't open until tomorrow for the season. Mr. Knick Knack is a germ riddled illness festival during cold and flu season. We have shopped Costco to death. The National Zoo doesn't have parking. I hate the playground. I already taught Elisabeth how to have staring contests and now she demands that I look away so she can win, or she purposely looks away to let me win. Hardly any fun anymore.

OK I'm off to figure out where exactly we're going this morning so that one of us doesn't end up in a padded room (as a side note, I don't know that padded rooms are all that bad... safe for kids, retreats for mommies, maybe even more marketable than a media room?)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

When Daddy's here...

I have heard the following phrase no fewer than 30 times today, "but when Daddy's here I get to ..." The activities have included: touch your ipod, drink milk in a special cup, carry Charlotte downstairs... it was at that point I realized she was either pulling my leg, manipulating me, or Doug was in really big trouble.

I showed up at preschool on Tuesday and happened to see a list that had each month and someone's name by it. My name was by March, and the list was for "special snack." I must have signed up back in September, and then forgotten about it by October. I asked the teacher when exactly she wanted the special snack. Answer? Tomorrow. It should be green - in the form of a cookie or a cupcake. I'm somewhat Martha about a lot of things - I am a decent cook, I can knit, I'm only somewhat afraid of my sewing machine. But I don't bake. Doug bakes. But seeing as Doug took a lot of time off during the bar study period, he is actually working these days. That left me to bake. A mere two hours later, I have 26 things that look approximately like four leaf clovers that the cows have munched on. That is slightly more than 4 minutes a cookie. And we still haven't iced and decorated them. This is why I don't bake. It takes me forever to make ugly things.

Yesterday Elisabeth asked Doug to carry her like a sack of beans. Then she told him that she can sit on a sack of bean (note the lack of a plural). Doug was quite confused for awhile, trying to convince her that she could probably sit on a sack of beans only to be told that it is a sack of BEAN, not beans. "Mommy told me, she's going to get me a sack of bean for my room. And I'm going to sit on it when we read books."

Yep, about 8 months ago, I told her that I'd get her a bean bag for her room to replace the recliner that I moved to Charlotte's room.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

puppet shows

The big winner from yesterday's thrilling contest is Becky! Indeed, the dessert in question was a popsicle - minute maid pushup pops. After she got through the crunchy icy part, she got to the juicy melted part.

Elisabeth has been giving us all puppet shows. Alex gave her 10 finger puppets. She seems to have "puppet shows" and "parades" confused. She puts them on her fingers and marches around the kitchen island expecting us to say "oh no! the puppet show is over!" when she's out of sight only to surprise us when she comes around the other side of the island.

Well, a few minutes ago, I was sitting here typing on the computer and there was a puppet show going on. I wasn't paying attention, I admit it. Then I started listening to the words of the puppet show musical score. It went like this: "its puppet show tiiiiiiiime, it isn't tiiiiiiiiime to look at your computer, its tiiiiiiiiime to watch me, not computer tiiiiiiiiiime, tiiiiiiiiime to watch the puppet show." She sang this over and over again as she happily marched around the room. So I watched. The song then changed to: "Its puppet show tiiiiiiime, I have all the puppets on my fiiiiiiiiingers. Nooooooo puppets falling off...." Dead silence as she contemplates the 6 finger puppets on the floor, having just fallen off after she proudly sang about them staying on.

Yesterday, Doug got home before we did - we were out grocery shopping. I asked him if he got the mail. He said he did, but he had thrown it all away, "because it was all garbage." Elisabeth, very upset at the fact that we didn't have any mail, said "they put trash in our mailbox instead of mail?" So Doug had to dig out the advertisements and show her what he meant. They're so literal.

Monday, March 10, 2008

that thing... you know, that does the thing?

When Elisabeth can't remember the name of something, she describes it until we understand what she means. For example, here are two that she fairly frequently can't remember:
  • "dessert" - we have no idea why she can't remember this word. but it is now known as "you know, that thing that we don't eat for dinner?"
  • "arcade" - "that place that we went near the hotel when you took the mean exam*, with the games in it."

so 10 Erica points if you can guess what she meant last night, when she wanted dessert, when she wanted this:

"that thing that we had before with the tube and it had the juicy part after the crunchy part." It took us about 5 minutes of quizzing her to figure out what it was and I'm still chuckling over it. I'll give you a clue - it isn't Go-gurts. Answer tomorrow.

* on multiple occassions I said "oooooh this exam is just MEAN!" so the bar exam is now aptly known as the "mean exam."

Saturday, March 8, 2008


Apologies in advance if there are any men out there reading this that are uncomfortable with the subject matter.

There are so few words that Elisabeth mispronounces anymore that when we find one, we're hesitant to correct her. We miss the days of reading the book Uppen Ducklin, and eating Wowos instead of Cheerios, and singing Ladybug Nicnic. For some reason, she just cannot remember the word "bra." They are "brafs." Not only are they brafs, they are among her favorite toys. She likes to wear one of mine (and demand that others in her presence wear one as well - including her daddy). Since I'm breastfeeding Charlotte, let's just say that my brafs are from the Anna Nicole Smith estate. So seeing Elisabeth wearing them is really quite entertaining.

Yesterday, she had on three brafs, one on top of the other in layered format - dress in layers, you never know what the weather will do. She comes strutting, literally strutting, down the stairs as though it is a catwalk and said, "Mooooommmmyy -- I have millllllk!"

Yesterday we had my good friend Melissa's little girl, Sam over to play. Elisabeth and Sam are 5 months apart, and they typically play together really well. Both are very sweet litte strong willed girls. They fought over every toy, cracker, and piece of dust in the house yesterday. Elisabeth figured out a coping mechanism pretty quickly though. Say Sam had a toy that Elisabeth wanted. Elisabeth would say (in a suspiciously sweet voice), "Oh! I am going to get on the trampoline." To which Sam would say "no my turn!" And Elisabeth would say, "OK, your turn Sam," and grab the toy that Sam had dropped to get on the trampoline. Anyone feel sorry for poor Charlotte yet?

Charlotte, by the way, is so close to crawling. She's up on hands and knees, rocking, and moving one arm and sometimes one leg. I can't wait for her to crawl - even though it will be more work for me, I think crawling babies are irresistably cute.

I took what is hopefully my LAST exam this morning - the professional ethics exam. I am not sure that learning those rules made me any more or less ethical. I'm also not sure that I passed, so fingers crossed. I feel more confident about my bar exam than this one, but I also studied for the bar exam.

So now I turn my attention to our gardens that we are crafting, some knitting, maybe making some knockoff Lush bath bombs, actually cooking dinner for my family, painting bedrooms, and generally making our house look lived in - everything they tell you not to do on the HGTV home shows. Millions of family pictures, here I come.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

rhyming and vitamins

As I prepared Elisabeth's lunch yesterday (after cycling through all 500 things in the fridge only to hear that she didn't want any of them, just cheerios, NO! a hotdog! no! chicken nuggets! no! cheerios!), I heard Elisabeth chatting with herself.

E: "Pequeno (imagine a tilde thing on top of the n), graaaaaaande, pequeno, graaaaaaaande, Virginia, graaaaaaaaande, mommy! Virginia and pequeno rhyme!"
Me: "No, they don't."
E: "Peqqqqqqennnnnnnnnnnio, Virginnnnnnnnnnia, yes! They rhyme! You been kiddin!"
Me: "No, they really don't rhyme."
E: "Yes, they do."
Me: "Pequeno rhymes with......hmm, I have no idea what pequeno rhymes with."
E: "Virginia."
Me: "No! Not Virginia."

thirty blissfully quiet seconds go by.

E: "Virginia means small in Spanish. That's what Rosita (from Sesame Street) told me."
Me: "No, pequeno means small in Spanish. Virginia is your middle name and the state we live in."
E: "Pequeno and Virginia rhyme. Virginia means small in Spanish."

I gave up.

We bought some "Children's Chewable Vitamins" for Elisabeth. In the big bottle, the kind that might last us until she goes to college. Well, it turns out it will last us until her children go to college because in the fine print on the back it says "recommended serving size - 1/2 pill." Seriously? They make children's chewable vitamins that you're only supposed to give your kid half of? Luckily she's got a better memory than we do, so she never forgets to ask if she needs to bite it in half or if she can eat it "all gone."

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

redneck girl redux and motorcycles

Today, I took the girls out looking for houseplants and seeds for our garden. While at the garden center, Elisabeth was squatting down fingering through the seed packets singing "give me a give me a give me a redneck girl" over and over again. I looked up and two of the employees were snickering.

On another note, it appears that there aren't any houseplants that are non-toxic for dogs, cats AND kids. At least there aren't any houseplants that I either don't already have or actually like that fit into those categories. So I'm picking who is dispensable.

The highlight of Elisabeth's day was getting to go to 'daddy's office' for awhile. I was supposed to go get a haircut, but we won't get into why I wasn't able to because it just makes me really angry. Suffice it to say they were completely unapologetic about their idiot mistake, yet were very happy to offer me a make-up appointment on April 17. APRIL 17. Eh, looks like I failed, I'm really angry again!

ANYWAY, instead I had some retail therapy while Doug showed off his girls to his office friends. On the way to the office, Elisabeth saw a motorcycle drive past us. "Mommy! Mommy! a motorcycle!!! They had one of those in that place we went. That place with the games." The arcade? "YES! The arcade!!! When I'm a mommy or a daddy, I can ride a motorcycle."

I had to break it to her that at the ripe old age of 32 (I am 32, right?? I lost my ability to do math during January/February), my mother still won't let me ride on a motorcycle. And I AM a mommy. Her response? "Hmmm, I'll have to talk to Grandmommy about that..."

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

an emerging favorite saying and new favorite songs.

I don't know who teaches her this stuff, but this is how a conversation in the car went today. This is the third time she's said something like this to me.

E: I'm soooooo sleepy.
Me: Great, as soon as we get home we'll all take naps!!
E (in a teasing voice): We haven't eaten lunch yet, Mommy. We have to eat lunch before we have quiet time, you crazy woman.

I found way number 582 to irritate Elisabeth today. Sing "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms" to her in the car. Loudly. She started asking why nobody likes me, and why everybody hates me, so I had to change the words a bit. But what really got her was the notion of eating the worms, slurping the guts out especially. "Pleeeeeeeeease stop singing Mommy! We doooooooooooooon't eat worms!!!"

Her new favorite non-children's music song is "Redneck Girl" by the Bellamy Brothers. That is funny enough in and of itself without commentary, but hearing her sing "Gimme a, gimme a, gimme a redneck girl..." is worthy of a video sometime soon.

Monday, March 3, 2008


I forgot to add a funny part of our Costco trip yesterday - the trip home. The parking lot was insane. I couldn't even back out of my spot because people kept walking or driving behind me. I finally got out and was driving on a main route in the parking lot when this guy blew through a stop sign nearly hitting us. I slammed on the brakes and yelled "MORON!" (one of those times I'm glad I don't have a mouth like a sailor)

E: What's a moron, mommy?
Me: A stupid person who doesn't know how to drive.
E: Why he didn't know how to drive?
Me: Because he didn't stop at the stop sign.
E: oh.

a few minutes pass.

E: Sheeee stopped at the stop sign, she's not a moron.
Me: No, she's not. She's a good driver.
E: Look look, he stopped at the stop sign, he's not a moron.

a few more minutes pass...

E: Mommy, you didn't stop at the stop sign...

In my defense, it wasn't my stop sign. She thinks she knows how to drive, but doesn't understand that sometimes one directions has a stop sign and the other doesn't. So I'm not a moron. No matter what she thinks. I suppose at some point I'll have to correct her understanding of the definition of the word.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

On a stick

While reading Curious George to Elisabeth, Doug said "the bus turned into an alley." Then on the next page, there was the bus. Elisabeth said, "you been kidding daddy! It's still a bus!"

I took Elisabeth with me to Costco today. I can always get her excited to go with me by promising her we'll "go around and eat stuff." The kid will eat anything served on a toothpick or in a little white cup. Things she wouldn't dream of eating on a plate go down easily when presented on a toothpick. In the past, she has eaten dumplings, salmon dip, guacamole, fish tacos, and some kind of whole grain crunchy nut ball - I still don't know what it was. Even if she hates them, she'll always take the next one we pass - even if I suggest that it is something she might not like.

I bought some pineapple teriyaki chicken meatballs a few weeks ago. There is no objective reason she wouldn't like these meatballs, but we had them before and she refused to admit that she actually liked them, and refused to really eat any of them. But I realized that the reason she didn't like them is because I stupidly served them on a plate. With a fork. Turns out the toothpick trick works at home as well as it does in a warehouse.

One reason I love going places with Elisabeth is her exuberance for the little things. We walked down an aisle at Costco today that had microwaves, toasters, and things of that nature. "Loooooook Mommy! Microwaves!! We have a microwave! I loooove microwaves! I'm so happy!" Next aisle, "loooook Mommy! Cups!" And her favorite? "Looook! An up and down chair! Like Daddy has at his office!!!! Daddy has that one! Can we call him?"

But, I can wear her down and have her down at my grumpy level by checkout. Today there were approximately 35 million other Costco shoppers all attempting to check out at the same time. I needed granola bars. They were, of course, way up at the front right by the checkout lines. So I maneuvered my overloaded cart up to the granola bars, grab my box, then set out to find a line to wait in only to find out I'm boxed in my idiots who are standing around chatting - not shopping, not waiting in line, chatting. So I growled as I moved my cart. And Elisabeth proceeded to growl for at least the next 5 minutes. Right as we walked by the idiots too. And as we stood in line behind the overly-coiffed, overly-Botoxed, Chanel No. 5 smelling older woman wearing big sunglasses inside. I am certain that behind those dark shades I was getting the "you should be ashamed of yourself" look as she thought how much better off Elisabeth would be in the hands of a properly trained nanny. Did I mention Elisabeth had a big soda and was eating jelly beans? Perhaps the look was justified.