Because I do too much legal research, I've begun to think of the way things work here in our house as legal rules. Kind of like the Bro Code from my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother. And now, I inflict them on you.
52. Clothing, likelihood of ruination. The percent chance that a child will wear a piece of clothing without peeing on it, painting on it, coloring on it with markers, cutting it, spilling soy sauce or other staining liquids on it, catching it on fire, or otherwise defacing it is inversely proportional to the price paid for the piece of clothing.
Notes:
1. This percentage increases over time, i.e. the first time a pair of pants that you paid $22 for (a large amount in my cheapskate world) is worn, the chance that something will happen to the pants is around 75%. This chance decreases with each wear.
53. Multiple children, demands of. When Child A wants Thing 1, Child B invariably wants Thing 2. To satisfy the LoC 53, Thing 1 and Thing 2 must both
(a) be located as geographically far apart as possible within the confines of the house, and
(b) need to be completed within five (5) nanoseconds of the demand.
54. Multiple children, failure to meet demands of. Failure to comply with LoC 53, supra, results in Child A and Child B screaming.
Notes:
1. Note that the failure to meet the demands of Child A, but meeting the demands of Child B, still results in Child A screaming and vice versa. This is likely due to crying being contagious.
2. Remedies for failure to meet the demands of multiple children include: chocolate all around, trips in the car for Frosties, stickers, and other frivolous acts of kindness.
55. Instructions to children, number of repetitions required. In order for a child to hear what the speaker has said, the speaker need only speak once. However, in order for a child to comply with said instruction, the speaker must repeat the instruction no fewer than six (6) times.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Science fair projects
Last night, I read Elisabeth a Little Critters story about a science fair. The following conversation ensued:
Me: You know, when you're a bigger girl - maybe 3rd grade - you'll get to do a science fair project every year.
E (eyes wide, voice up an octave): reeeeeeeeeallly????????
Me: Yep. What do you think you'll do your science fair project on?
E (thinks for a long time before finally coming up with...): Zebras.
Me: Zebras, really? Where will we keep zebras?
E: In the back yard. They'll eat the grass.
Me: How many zebras will you need?
E: Three. One, two, three, THREE.
Me: Well, when you do a science fair project, you're supposed to research the subject - find something out about the zebras. What are you going to find out?
E: Hmmm..... Whether or not they like their coats. They each have a coat. One purple, one yellow and one green. I want to see if they like their coats.
Me: Where are we going to get coats for zebras?
E: Oh, the zebras came with their own coats.
Me: Where do we find zebras that come with their own coats?
E (thinking again): I don't know. We'll have to look it up. On the internet. Maybe wikipedia knows!!!
We teach them right around here. I suppose now that I should actually donate money to wikipedia.
In other news, Elisabeth's latest illness, or perhaps her age, has left her selectively deaf. She can no longer hear me when I ask her to do something. She either totally ignores me or... my personal favorite... asks "what did you say?" You might remember this phenomenon from a few months ago. Well, it is back with a vengeance. My new response is "you heard me" and then going about my day. Then it occurred to me that perhaps her ears are blocked up and she can't hear me, making me feel bad for counting her to 3 when she pretended not to hear me. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm about a minute away from calling an ENT about cochlear implants. I wonder if they make a device that combats selective deafness, aka ignoring your mother. If I even whisper the word chocolate she will come running from a dead sleep. But if I'm standing directly next to her and holler that she needs to help clean up her toys I either get no response or a "what did you say?"
It is ok though, if she doesn't help clean up her toys after I say "you heard me," I just pack them up and put them away myself. What she is beginning to figure out is that when mommy puts toys away - they sleep with the fish. Or at least go into some serious hiding until she miraculously finds them one day at mommy's choosing. No yelling, I get my sweet revenge, and she eventually figures it out and cleans up when asked. I should really write a parenting book. I imagine it would be banned in 49 states (Arkansas would probably allow it).
Me: You know, when you're a bigger girl - maybe 3rd grade - you'll get to do a science fair project every year.
E (eyes wide, voice up an octave): reeeeeeeeeallly????????
Me: Yep. What do you think you'll do your science fair project on?
E (thinks for a long time before finally coming up with...): Zebras.
Me: Zebras, really? Where will we keep zebras?
E: In the back yard. They'll eat the grass.
Me: How many zebras will you need?
E: Three. One, two, three, THREE.
Me: Well, when you do a science fair project, you're supposed to research the subject - find something out about the zebras. What are you going to find out?
E: Hmmm..... Whether or not they like their coats. They each have a coat. One purple, one yellow and one green. I want to see if they like their coats.
Me: Where are we going to get coats for zebras?
E: Oh, the zebras came with their own coats.
Me: Where do we find zebras that come with their own coats?
E (thinking again): I don't know. We'll have to look it up. On the internet. Maybe wikipedia knows!!!
We teach them right around here. I suppose now that I should actually donate money to wikipedia.
In other news, Elisabeth's latest illness, or perhaps her age, has left her selectively deaf. She can no longer hear me when I ask her to do something. She either totally ignores me or... my personal favorite... asks "what did you say?" You might remember this phenomenon from a few months ago. Well, it is back with a vengeance. My new response is "you heard me" and then going about my day. Then it occurred to me that perhaps her ears are blocked up and she can't hear me, making me feel bad for counting her to 3 when she pretended not to hear me. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm about a minute away from calling an ENT about cochlear implants. I wonder if they make a device that combats selective deafness, aka ignoring your mother. If I even whisper the word chocolate she will come running from a dead sleep. But if I'm standing directly next to her and holler that she needs to help clean up her toys I either get no response or a "what did you say?"
It is ok though, if she doesn't help clean up her toys after I say "you heard me," I just pack them up and put them away myself. What she is beginning to figure out is that when mommy puts toys away - they sleep with the fish. Or at least go into some serious hiding until she miraculously finds them one day at mommy's choosing. No yelling, I get my sweet revenge, and she eventually figures it out and cleans up when asked. I should really write a parenting book. I imagine it would be banned in 49 states (Arkansas would probably allow it).
Monday, May 26, 2008
illness, part 43
Seriously - thus has to end sometime right???? Now Charlotte and I are down. Each of us has fevers and feels generally rotten. I can't remember the last time I had a 102 fever. It was long, long ago for sure. New policy at my house. I've rigged up a Lysol shower which all entrants must use before entry. Kind of like how they make you shower before you get in the pool - you have to Lysol before coming into my house.
It is a beautiful spring day here and Elisabeth and Doug have gone off to Viva Vienna, which is a festival in town with perhaps the dumbest name ever. But it has rides, and Elisabeth's little friend Sam is going, so I'm sure they're having fun. And probably funnel cakes. Without me.
Charlotte figured out how to get off of the minitrampoline. Just grit your teeth and roll off head first onto the carpet. Luckily she thinks it is funny. Oh and speaking of teeth, she's up to three officially poked through and 2 in the works. Her second top front tooth ought to be poked out in the next few days. She also thinks it is funny when I cough, which is great because I can entertain her AND feel like a truck hit me.
As part of my never ending quest to seek out the silver lining, one good thing about being up in the middle of the night is that you can find out where the mice in your house are by observing the position and intensity of the stare of your cats. Turns out we must have mice behind our TV, which I found out by seeing Willy intently staring in that direction and looking over at me every few seconds with a look of "get OUT of here, will you? How is a cat supposed to catch a mouse with you in here?" on his face. I know, I'm not icanhascheezburger.com. I don't get lolcats, anyone care to clue me in on the humor? The only ones I find funny are the ones that are captions where the cat isn't supposed to be speaking. And, I think I have a pretty good sense of humor.
Doug made lemonade this morning. He was, apparently, looking quite concerned as he poured the sugary mixture into the measuring cup. Elisabeth said, "its ok, daddy. It will be ok. Don't worry." I'm glad we have our 3 yr old to make us feel better. She's very concerned about how I feel, which is really sweet. Now if I could only get her to stay still while I Lysol her down...
It is a beautiful spring day here and Elisabeth and Doug have gone off to Viva Vienna, which is a festival in town with perhaps the dumbest name ever. But it has rides, and Elisabeth's little friend Sam is going, so I'm sure they're having fun. And probably funnel cakes. Without me.
Charlotte figured out how to get off of the minitrampoline. Just grit your teeth and roll off head first onto the carpet. Luckily she thinks it is funny. Oh and speaking of teeth, she's up to three officially poked through and 2 in the works. Her second top front tooth ought to be poked out in the next few days. She also thinks it is funny when I cough, which is great because I can entertain her AND feel like a truck hit me.
As part of my never ending quest to seek out the silver lining, one good thing about being up in the middle of the night is that you can find out where the mice in your house are by observing the position and intensity of the stare of your cats. Turns out we must have mice behind our TV, which I found out by seeing Willy intently staring in that direction and looking over at me every few seconds with a look of "get OUT of here, will you? How is a cat supposed to catch a mouse with you in here?" on his face. I know, I'm not icanhascheezburger.com. I don't get lolcats, anyone care to clue me in on the humor? The only ones I find funny are the ones that are captions where the cat isn't supposed to be speaking. And, I think I have a pretty good sense of humor.
Doug made lemonade this morning. He was, apparently, looking quite concerned as he poured the sugary mixture into the measuring cup. Elisabeth said, "its ok, daddy. It will be ok. Don't worry." I'm glad we have our 3 yr old to make us feel better. She's very concerned about how I feel, which is really sweet. Now if I could only get her to stay still while I Lysol her down...
Friday, May 23, 2008
In which Erica loses at the game of Simon Says
ETA: turns out I am not only a Simon Says loser, I am also kind of an idiot. Story corrected. Thanks JCC :)
Yesterday, we played Simon Says. Nothing thrills a three year old more than the power to boss her mother around, so we played this a lot. I am actually pretty good at Simon Says. But I was trying to cook dinner and tend to a teething (and therefore cranky) Charlotte. So Elisabeth said this: "Simon says .... jump up and down!" So I start jumping. With Charlotte. For like 30 seconds. I said, "Simon needs to give more directions because I'm not going to keep doing this forever." Elisabeth, in all of her mercy, said, "Simon says stop jumping." Then she quickly followed that up with "Keep doing what you're doing." (Note: I removed the "Simon says...") And I stood there stirring the beef stew. And she cackled. "YOU LOST!" Little (cute, adorable, sneaky) turd.
Yesterday, we played Simon Says. Nothing thrills a three year old more than the power to boss her mother around, so we played this a lot. I am actually pretty good at Simon Says. But I was trying to cook dinner and tend to a teething (and therefore cranky) Charlotte. So Elisabeth said this: "Simon says .... jump up and down!" So I start jumping. With Charlotte. For like 30 seconds. I said, "Simon needs to give more directions because I'm not going to keep doing this forever." Elisabeth, in all of her mercy, said, "Simon says stop jumping." Then she quickly followed that up with "Keep doing what you're doing." (Note: I removed the "Simon says...") And I stood there stirring the beef stew. And she cackled. "YOU LOST!" Little (cute, adorable, sneaky) turd.
We've had a very dull week filled will more (!!) illness in the house. Elisabeth and Doug are both sick. Doug is sicker than I've seen him in awhile, with things like body aches and a very stuffy nose. Elisabeth is the sickest I've seen her with a fever (for 6 days now) and a wicked cough. This means we've done a lot of forced rest and fluids. I don't know how you make a three year old rest other than video crack - so she's been watching a lot of shows. It is interesting to see that she actually does have a breaking point where she doesn't want to watch any more tv. I'm thankful for this, because I'm not sure I have such a breaking point. So clearly she got some good genes from Doug. I have to force myself to turn off the tv and do productive things.
Yesterday, during one of her breaks from shows, we did some "worksheets" in a little phonics workbook that we have. The exercise goes like this: there is a picture on the left, then a three letter word on the right. But the first letter of the three letter word is missing and the kid is supposed to fill it in. An example: a picture of a man followed by ___ A N. The kid is supposed to write M.
Elisabeth is an expert at this game, quickly going through 15 of them. She got to the 16th, though, and was confused. It was a picture of a hen, with ____ E N. She said, "but mommy, I don't know how to write "chick." Made me laugh. Her letters aren't perfectly formed, but they're worlds better than her numbers which are mostly abstract representations of the abstract representations we refer to as numerals.
Here are some of my favorite pictures that I've taken in the past few days with the new camera.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Car talk
Elisabeth cracks me up in the car. She just talks and doesn't stop. Where does Mercedes (our cleaning lady) live? How do they make cars? How far away does Gram live? Turn right mommy - right is the way to preschool. Oh its 66! This is the road the metro trains are on! I went on a metro train twice. Once to the play place - the museum, and once to the dentist. Can we listen to my songs? You never told me how they make cars. And that is the first 60 seconds. So on a one hour drive to the airport and back, we had quite a nice chat.
She's definitely a backseat driver. Mommy, you didn't stop at that stop sign (she sees a stop sign, I should stop - whether or not it is my stop sign). Mommy, the light is green, go (red turn arrows are my nemesis). Mommy, why is that car not going in front of you? Are they IDIOTS? (traffic is also my nemesis). Today, she flirted with figuring out speed limits. It went like this.
E (somewhat snide and under her breath, obviously warming up for the teenage years): Mommy, the police are going to push you over and yell at you. And then give you a bad ticket.
Me (utterly confused): what?
E: the poooolice are going to yell at you. after they push you over.
Me: Why are they going to pull me over?
E: because you're going too fast.
Me: How do you know how fast I'm going? You don't know what speed I'm going.
E: You're going faster than those cars.
Me: they're going too slow.
E: you're going too fast.
Me: I'm going 60 miles per hour.
E sits silently. For 10 seconds.
E: That sign right there says 4-5. 4-5 mommy.
Me: No, I think it said 5-5 (I really do think it said 5-5, but just my luck...)
E: SEE? That sign right there says 4-5!
(I did not think that it was appropriate to explain to her at that point the fact that the speed limit does in fact go from 55 to 45 at this one tunnel, but that it had previously been 55 when she thought it was 45. I also did not think I should try to explain the 7 mph over the speed limit rule)
So I slowed down a bit. Luckily we went under a tunnel and she was quite distressed over the fact that she couldn't see very well and forgot that the pooooolice were going to push me over and yell at me. And give me a bad ticket.
I'm considering moving her to the back row of the minivan. Then I can pretend I can't hear her.
She's definitely a backseat driver. Mommy, you didn't stop at that stop sign (she sees a stop sign, I should stop - whether or not it is my stop sign). Mommy, the light is green, go (red turn arrows are my nemesis). Mommy, why is that car not going in front of you? Are they IDIOTS? (traffic is also my nemesis). Today, she flirted with figuring out speed limits. It went like this.
E (somewhat snide and under her breath, obviously warming up for the teenage years): Mommy, the police are going to push you over and yell at you. And then give you a bad ticket.
Me (utterly confused): what?
E: the poooolice are going to yell at you. after they push you over.
Me: Why are they going to pull me over?
E: because you're going too fast.
Me: How do you know how fast I'm going? You don't know what speed I'm going.
E: You're going faster than those cars.
Me: they're going too slow.
E: you're going too fast.
Me: I'm going 60 miles per hour.
E sits silently. For 10 seconds.
E: That sign right there says 4-5. 4-5 mommy.
Me: No, I think it said 5-5 (I really do think it said 5-5, but just my luck...)
E: SEE? That sign right there says 4-5!
(I did not think that it was appropriate to explain to her at that point the fact that the speed limit does in fact go from 55 to 45 at this one tunnel, but that it had previously been 55 when she thought it was 45. I also did not think I should try to explain the 7 mph over the speed limit rule)
So I slowed down a bit. Luckily we went under a tunnel and she was quite distressed over the fact that she couldn't see very well and forgot that the pooooolice were going to push me over and yell at me. And give me a bad ticket.
I'm considering moving her to the back row of the minivan. Then I can pretend I can't hear her.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
idiosyncrasies
Elisabeth's idiosyncrasies are growing in number. They make me laugh. Here are two examples.
The important things to take with you from your bed when you decide to sleep on the floor, according to Elisabeth: pillow, comforter, sippy cup, one kleenex for nose picking. The kid cannot go to sleep unless her nose is picked clean. She said to my mother this weekend, "Grandmommy, what do we do if we don't have a tissue and we have to pick our noses?"
When playing games such as PIG, wrestling, crazy dog, it is important to take a break every so often, take off your socks, and clean out your toes. I don't know why.
The poor kid is so tormented, what with boogers in her nose and lint in her toes.
oh and my grocery store annoys me. I can get all of the groceries in 20 minutes then have it take 20 minutes for the checker to check out my stuff. Here's a good sign you shouldn't be working as a grocery store cashier: you see the asparagus in the bag and have to ask what it is. It's asparaus! If you don't know what asparagus looks like, you must be a lost cause when it comes to rhutabaga. Last week the SKU lookup system was down so they had to look up the prices of everything manually. The checker was actually annoyed with me that I had the audacity to not know the price of a bag of cookies. Shame on me. Wow, I was more annoyed than I thought. Glad I got that off my chest. The Safeway should at least get a self checkout lane. I'm far less annoyed with myself when I have to figure out if I got asparagus or rhutabaga.
The important things to take with you from your bed when you decide to sleep on the floor, according to Elisabeth: pillow, comforter, sippy cup, one kleenex for nose picking. The kid cannot go to sleep unless her nose is picked clean. She said to my mother this weekend, "Grandmommy, what do we do if we don't have a tissue and we have to pick our noses?"
When playing games such as PIG, wrestling, crazy dog, it is important to take a break every so often, take off your socks, and clean out your toes. I don't know why.
The poor kid is so tormented, what with boogers in her nose and lint in her toes.
oh and my grocery store annoys me. I can get all of the groceries in 20 minutes then have it take 20 minutes for the checker to check out my stuff. Here's a good sign you shouldn't be working as a grocery store cashier: you see the asparagus in the bag and have to ask what it is. It's asparaus! If you don't know what asparagus looks like, you must be a lost cause when it comes to rhutabaga. Last week the SKU lookup system was down so they had to look up the prices of everything manually. The checker was actually annoyed with me that I had the audacity to not know the price of a bag of cookies. Shame on me. Wow, I was more annoyed than I thought. Glad I got that off my chest. The Safeway should at least get a self checkout lane. I'm far less annoyed with myself when I have to figure out if I got asparagus or rhutabaga.
Graduation
I graduated in December, but they only do one ceremony per year. So yesterday I got to walk across a big stage and get a rolled up piece of paper that isn't a diploma. Before the ceremony, I thought that it was a little silly and thought that I might not do it. In the end, it was a really nice ceremony filled with a few teary eyed moments. I'm really glad that I went. I mean, when else do you get to wear doctoral hoods? I certainly don't intend to get a PhD anytime...
Doug furthered his quest for sainthood yesterday by packing a nice picnic lunch for my parents, the kids, and himself. He got everyone there on time and got them great seats. Elisabeth and Charlotte got dressed up in their finest dresses and went without their naps and quiet time. It was so fun to show them off to friends and professors. Doug kept the girls entertained during the ceremony with cheerios, cookies, and fruit punch for Elisabeth.
When they played Pomp and Circumstance and all of the graduates filed in, Elisabeth hollered "HIiiiiiii Mommy!!!!!!!" when she saw me (about 5 times). It was so genuine and sweet, and totally made my entire day. Then after I walked offstage from receving my "diploma" she cried when I didn't come to sit with them - which ripped my heart out. She is such a sweet little girl.
Here are some pictures from the day.
When we got home, Doug had champagne on ice and a wonderful present for me! I got a Nikon D40 DSLR camera. I'm so excited to learn how to use it. Expect many more pictures in this space!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm a big ugly penguin.
Today, I told Elisabeth that I needed to take a little break from playing freeze tag alternating with picking Elisabeth up and whirling her around. She responded with, "you're a biiiiiiig, ugggggggly, PENGUIN!" Then she laughed hysterically and ran away. We had a little chat about not insulting people (especially Mommy), but how do you not laugh at that???
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
exhausted and impatient
I'm just wiped out lately. I seem to be running at a thousand miles an hour. My graduation is Saturday, and my parents are in town visiting. I picked up my cap and gown today. We get to wear doctoral hoods, since we get juris doctor degrees. I always think that things will slow down soon but it seems like they never really do. Who am I kidding, I get bored and ornery if I'm not moving constantly. Heck, if things do slow down, I'm liable to sign up for med school or something.
The calendar says that Elisabeth only has three more days of preschool. Can anyone tell me exactly what I'm going to do with her 5 days a week? I mean aside from hide in the closet so she won't make me play another round of Chutes and Ladders or play gym class. I can really only take so much hopping on one foot while spinning in a circle with a somersault grand finale. Maybe we'll play preschool on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and I'll organize little activities. At least organized activities (as opposed to free play) usually conserve what little of my sanity remains.
On the gardening front - I'm impatient. I know that they say a perennial garden doesn't really do all that well the first year. But its been a month now, and my garden is not overflowing with flowers. In fact, there isn't even a single flower. In fact, the garden doesn't look much different than it did when I planted it. This is not progress. Especially for impatient people like me. I need a hobby that gives you more bang for your joule. Suggestions? Oh and there are critters eating my bean plants. I don't need to wage any more wars on critters. The war against squirrels continues - and I think I'm winning. They now leave all of my bird feeders alone. However, I'm still feeling a little guilty about the ground squirrel I sent flying out of the top of a tree onto the driveway (by chasing him with a hose). The squirrel lived and ran away, but I do feel a bit guilty. So if I have to open up another front on the war on critters, I'm probably going to have to raise taxes.
The calendar says that Elisabeth only has three more days of preschool. Can anyone tell me exactly what I'm going to do with her 5 days a week? I mean aside from hide in the closet so she won't make me play another round of Chutes and Ladders or play gym class. I can really only take so much hopping on one foot while spinning in a circle with a somersault grand finale. Maybe we'll play preschool on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and I'll organize little activities. At least organized activities (as opposed to free play) usually conserve what little of my sanity remains.
On the gardening front - I'm impatient. I know that they say a perennial garden doesn't really do all that well the first year. But its been a month now, and my garden is not overflowing with flowers. In fact, there isn't even a single flower. In fact, the garden doesn't look much different than it did when I planted it. This is not progress. Especially for impatient people like me. I need a hobby that gives you more bang for your joule. Suggestions? Oh and there are critters eating my bean plants. I don't need to wage any more wars on critters. The war against squirrels continues - and I think I'm winning. They now leave all of my bird feeders alone. However, I'm still feeling a little guilty about the ground squirrel I sent flying out of the top of a tree onto the driveway (by chasing him with a hose). The squirrel lived and ran away, but I do feel a bit guilty. So if I have to open up another front on the war on critters, I'm probably going to have to raise taxes.
Monday, May 12, 2008
home again
We made it home from our exciting weekend visiting Gram. The girls had a lot of fun. Elisabeth is now hyped up to the point I don't even recognize her as a human (she is sitting here on all fours growling ferociously at me). She is currently demanding a game of Chutes and Ladders and I'm pretending not to hear her. I'll post more commentary later, when I'm not wiped, but here's a few funny things she said - before I forget them.
She confused the words "spend" and "spank." Doug bought her three pieces of chocolate at a candy store, totalling 75 cents. He gave her the extra quarter. A few days later, she said she was going to "spank her quarter soon." Turns out spank and spend can in fact be interchanged to come up with some true assertions. Curtail government spanking. Tax and spank politicians. You see what I mean.
Doug gave me a picture book for Mother's day. The front page has me holding Charlotte all wrapped up in a blanket about an hour after her birth. Elisabeth said, "look Mommy - its Charlotte... in your knitting bag??" Oh that reminds me, I need to post about the mother's day card she gave me (round 2, involving Snow White). Maybe tomorrow.
The kid's not dumb, either. Doug offered me a cookie in the car on the way home. I said "no, I'm going to save it for a special treat later." Elisabeth was in the back seat, with her headphones on, watching a movie (Ratatouille, I believe). Some alarm went off in her head and she said, "Daddy, I want something!" Doug said, "What do you want?" She said, "I want.... some.... of..... hmmm..... I want some of that stuff you offered to mommy!" She knew it was something good, the little bugger. So he gave her a fortune cookie.
Charlotte, at the ripe old age of 9 months old, is working on opening baby gates. She's not close to succeeding, but she's working on it. She is also waving like crazy, clapping, attempting to say bye bye, and chasing cats. She's just generally lovely these days. This is why people have kids 18 months apart. They get pregnant before tantrum phase. Luckily I am not that dumb or gullible. I know what's coming.
She confused the words "spend" and "spank." Doug bought her three pieces of chocolate at a candy store, totalling 75 cents. He gave her the extra quarter. A few days later, she said she was going to "spank her quarter soon." Turns out spank and spend can in fact be interchanged to come up with some true assertions. Curtail government spanking. Tax and spank politicians. You see what I mean.
Doug gave me a picture book for Mother's day. The front page has me holding Charlotte all wrapped up in a blanket about an hour after her birth. Elisabeth said, "look Mommy - its Charlotte... in your knitting bag??" Oh that reminds me, I need to post about the mother's day card she gave me (round 2, involving Snow White). Maybe tomorrow.
The kid's not dumb, either. Doug offered me a cookie in the car on the way home. I said "no, I'm going to save it for a special treat later." Elisabeth was in the back seat, with her headphones on, watching a movie (Ratatouille, I believe). Some alarm went off in her head and she said, "Daddy, I want something!" Doug said, "What do you want?" She said, "I want.... some.... of..... hmmm..... I want some of that stuff you offered to mommy!" She knew it was something good, the little bugger. So he gave her a fortune cookie.
Charlotte, at the ripe old age of 9 months old, is working on opening baby gates. She's not close to succeeding, but she's working on it. She is also waving like crazy, clapping, attempting to say bye bye, and chasing cats. She's just generally lovely these days. This is why people have kids 18 months apart. They get pregnant before tantrum phase. Luckily I am not that dumb or gullible. I know what's coming.
Friday, May 9, 2008
trip stories
We're here at Doug's mother's house, after an 8 hour or so trip. You'll be happy to know that we remembered my suitcase this time. Our kid who once relished long car rides so that she could watch endless movies has now become the kid that wants to participate in the front seat conversations and monopolize the ipod. At least we're more interesting than Peter Pan (who, as Doug pointed out to me, is surprisingly a big jerk). So we did riddles and played games and sang songs. An example of a riddle that we gave to Elisabeth is: Which of these things is not like the others? A plate, a book, a doughnut, a ball. The answer? A doughnut. It is something you eat. An example of a riddle that Elisabeth gave to us? "What is a truck?"
Elisabeth said, "Daddy, when I was little, I didn't know Gram very well. I only knew Gr. Then I knew Gra. Now I know Grammmmmm." Once before she said that Doug's grandmother (Mrs. Jenney) didn't know her very well. She only knew "Elis" not "Elisabeth." We're pretty sure this stems from an abundance of the game "PIG" which is really an abbreviated form of the game HORSE. For those unfamiliar with HORSE, it is played using a basket (like basketball, or in our case a cat bed that is raised on the sides). One person takes a shot from anywhere they choose. If they make the shot, the other player has to make the shot from the exact same spot and if they miss, they get the letter H. This repeats until someone has enough letters to spell HORSE. We play PIG quite a bit (I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that she's beat me before), and she takes great joy in saying she's "PI" or just "P" - so we think that's where she has gotten this latest gauge of how well someone knows her.
Charlotte, at all of 9 months old, slept only an hour in the car (Elisabeth not at all). Luckily, she is completely and totally entertained with a toy shopping basket full of plastic food. So she was actually rather pleasant for the entire drive. She has mercifully decided to let me sleep more than 2 hours at a shot for the past two nights. I expect her mercy to end soon, but I have appreciated it in the interim.
We got to really witness the girls interacting with each other yesterday. Charlotte would reach her little hand across the aisle in the back of the minivan and Elisabeth would grab it and say silly words to Charlotte. Charlotte would laugh hysterically. And then, at bedtime, those two kept each other awake for awhile making cute noises at each other. And the first thing I heard this morning was a cute noise from Charlotte who was peering out of her pack n play at a very awake Elisabeth. I'm glad they have each other.
Remind me to tell you about the second Mother's Day card that Elisabeth gave me. It might be even better than the first. That post requires pictures, though, and I haven't taken any yet.
Elisabeth said, "Daddy, when I was little, I didn't know Gram very well. I only knew Gr. Then I knew Gra. Now I know Grammmmmm." Once before she said that Doug's grandmother (Mrs. Jenney) didn't know her very well. She only knew "Elis" not "Elisabeth." We're pretty sure this stems from an abundance of the game "PIG" which is really an abbreviated form of the game HORSE. For those unfamiliar with HORSE, it is played using a basket (like basketball, or in our case a cat bed that is raised on the sides). One person takes a shot from anywhere they choose. If they make the shot, the other player has to make the shot from the exact same spot and if they miss, they get the letter H. This repeats until someone has enough letters to spell HORSE. We play PIG quite a bit (I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that she's beat me before), and she takes great joy in saying she's "PI" or just "P" - so we think that's where she has gotten this latest gauge of how well someone knows her.
Charlotte, at all of 9 months old, slept only an hour in the car (Elisabeth not at all). Luckily, she is completely and totally entertained with a toy shopping basket full of plastic food. So she was actually rather pleasant for the entire drive. She has mercifully decided to let me sleep more than 2 hours at a shot for the past two nights. I expect her mercy to end soon, but I have appreciated it in the interim.
We got to really witness the girls interacting with each other yesterday. Charlotte would reach her little hand across the aisle in the back of the minivan and Elisabeth would grab it and say silly words to Charlotte. Charlotte would laugh hysterically. And then, at bedtime, those two kept each other awake for awhile making cute noises at each other. And the first thing I heard this morning was a cute noise from Charlotte who was peering out of her pack n play at a very awake Elisabeth. I'm glad they have each other.
Remind me to tell you about the second Mother's Day card that Elisabeth gave me. It might be even better than the first. That post requires pictures, though, and I haven't taken any yet.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Mother's Day Tea at Preschool
Today, all of the mommies got invited to preschool to have "tea" with our preschoolers in their classroom. We were told to leave siblings at home so that we could have a special mommy/child time. I had no idea how to dress, so I recalled the first day of preschool when we dropped our kids off and then sat in the library for an hour having coffee. That day, I realized that I shouldn't have shown up in jeans and a t-shirt. I needed Versace. Perhaps a few more diamonds. And definitely a trendy handbag. So I dressed up today. Turns out that wasn't necessary. I guess the first day of school there is some kind of unspoken "bring out your bling" that I didn't know about. Elisabeth approved of my dress, though. She said, "Mommy, you wore a very pretty outfit today!" So I guess that is all that matters. Here's a picture of the two of us in her classroom.
It was such a wonderful time. And then, well, then I looked at the flower Elisabeth made for me. It is a "sad flower." Elisabeth said she made it that way to make me laugh - and laugh I did. The card that Elisabeth made for me? It has a drawing of Doug on it. I'm half relieved (because if my hair really looks like the picture, I need a new hairdresser) and half humorously irritated. Why are mothers chopped liver when compared to fathers, grandparents, neighbors, garbage collectors? Here's a picture of my haul (note the frowny tulip) and a picture of the inside of my card.
One of Elisabeth's teachers pulled me aside and said, "Elisabeth tells us about the bar exam all the time. She really enjoyed that trip a lot. She has a lot of stories about the escalators." This is just a reminder to not waste the money on expensive vacations. Just take your kid to a hotel with an escalator. She fell down the escalator, she told me today. She cried a little, apparently. I'm glad I didn't see it. I hate escalators.
We entered the room and the kids sang two songs to us. Then they presented us with tissue paper flower corsages. Then we all sat down around a big table and had a feast. There was jello, cheese, crackers, muffins, cookies, and fruit salad. No tea, but there was lemonade, water, and apple juice. After all of this, we also got presents from our preschoolers. They made coasters for us with their little thumbprints on them, and a flower pot with a paper tulip growing out of it. Then it was circle time (stories and songs) and then we got to go home.
It was such a wonderful time. And then, well, then I looked at the flower Elisabeth made for me. It is a "sad flower." Elisabeth said she made it that way to make me laugh - and laugh I did. The card that Elisabeth made for me? It has a drawing of Doug on it. I'm half relieved (because if my hair really looks like the picture, I need a new hairdresser) and half humorously irritated. Why are mothers chopped liver when compared to fathers, grandparents, neighbors, garbage collectors? Here's a picture of my haul (note the frowny tulip) and a picture of the inside of my card.
One of Elisabeth's teachers pulled me aside and said, "Elisabeth tells us about the bar exam all the time. She really enjoyed that trip a lot. She has a lot of stories about the escalators." This is just a reminder to not waste the money on expensive vacations. Just take your kid to a hotel with an escalator. She fell down the escalator, she told me today. She cried a little, apparently. I'm glad I didn't see it. I hate escalators.The rest of the day Elisabeth spent asking me when I was going to give her a present. She insists that her teacher told her the mommies were giving their kids presents for mothers day. I think she hears what she wants to hear. The word present is mentioned and she just files that into the "oh yay, I get presents" section of her brain.
It was really fun to see Elisabeth in her classroom. She has some cute little friends. She was very excited to show me the books in her classroom. I found it interested how reserved she was though. I am assuming it was the presence of the other parents, because her teachers have told me that she is "enthusiastic." And other mothers have told me that when they've popped in Elisabeth is the cruise director of the class.
When we got back to the car, Elisabeth climbed in and looked over into Charlotte's seat and was absolutely horrified that Charlotte wasn't there. I guess she thought I just left Charlotte in the car? I really do try to earn my mother of the year stripes, but not that hard.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
a couple of things that I forgot
1. yesterday, I had to break my self imposed ban on the use of porta potties. all I can say is GROSS. I had no clue it was essentially a trough with a seat over it. I pictured a little more visual protection from the excrement of the people who preceded me. there was quite a bit of purell used afterwards.
2. much more pleasant: Charlotte claps. It is about the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.
2. much more pleasant: Charlotte claps. It is about the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.
Sheep, wool, babies who soothe themselves
Yesterday, Heather and I had a fantastic adventure. We went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. We had heard it was overwhelming, crowded, and superfun - and I must say it lived up to all of those things. I never in my life imagined there were so many people interested in sheep. And wool. We sat in a 3 mile, 45 minute backup just to turn into the fairgrounds, then parked about 3/4 of a mile away.
The festival had sheep shearing, sheep judging, everything you could possibly imagine related to knitting, crocheting, weaving, and spinning yarn. It drew an interesting, but very nice crowd. Two quick stories and then I'll tell you a bit about how good Heather and I were. First, the sheep people are quite distinct from the yarn people. The sheep people are largely men (and large men) in overalls with funny hats and the yarn people are largely women with oversized bags. There were also the husbands, who were inevitably carting 2-3 children. Anyway, I stood outside one of the barns waiting for Heather to get through a line to make a purchase and heard maybe the leader of the sheep people (this guy looked like the words to the song "I've been workin' on the railroad might have been written about him) say to his friend, "I dunno. Some crafting junk" in reference to the 6 barns and one exhibition hall of yarn and knitting supplies. He's lucky some of the more rabid knitters didn't hear him.
The second little story involves a 75ish year old woman. She had obviously spent some time in the sun in her life. She pulled over with her friend near where I stood waiting. She said, "I'm trying to shove my boob back in. I was a little afraid to get it out, but I never thought I'd have trouble getting it back in." SURE that I had misheard, I looked over. Sure enough, she's shoving her boob back into her shirt. She continued, "I don't know why I let them talk me into a boob tattoo."
Anyway, Heather and I got what we set after and here's the shocker - NOT MUCH MORE. Ok, there may have been an extraneous purchase of some sheep pictures to hang on the wall - but they totally crack me up and had to come home with me. We came home with a spindle each, and I think 8 ounces of wool each to spin into beautiful yarns. Then we took a drive through the great state of Maryland before finally finding the beltway again near the Mormon temple.
On another note, Charlotte has learned a new way of soothing herself. Last night, she woke up in the middle of the night, cried for awhile, turned on her mobile and fell back asleep. The mobile must have some kind of hypnotic power. I swear, the music started and she keeled over and slept. I wish they worked like that on 3 yr olds. My 3 yr old is in a bad way today. Very overtired and having more fits and timeouts than necessary.
And with that, I close. I have pounds (of baby food) to puree before I sleep, and pounds to puree before before I sleep.
The festival had sheep shearing, sheep judging, everything you could possibly imagine related to knitting, crocheting, weaving, and spinning yarn. It drew an interesting, but very nice crowd. Two quick stories and then I'll tell you a bit about how good Heather and I were. First, the sheep people are quite distinct from the yarn people. The sheep people are largely men (and large men) in overalls with funny hats and the yarn people are largely women with oversized bags. There were also the husbands, who were inevitably carting 2-3 children. Anyway, I stood outside one of the barns waiting for Heather to get through a line to make a purchase and heard maybe the leader of the sheep people (this guy looked like the words to the song "I've been workin' on the railroad might have been written about him) say to his friend, "I dunno. Some crafting junk" in reference to the 6 barns and one exhibition hall of yarn and knitting supplies. He's lucky some of the more rabid knitters didn't hear him.
The second little story involves a 75ish year old woman. She had obviously spent some time in the sun in her life. She pulled over with her friend near where I stood waiting. She said, "I'm trying to shove my boob back in. I was a little afraid to get it out, but I never thought I'd have trouble getting it back in." SURE that I had misheard, I looked over. Sure enough, she's shoving her boob back into her shirt. She continued, "I don't know why I let them talk me into a boob tattoo."
Anyway, Heather and I got what we set after and here's the shocker - NOT MUCH MORE. Ok, there may have been an extraneous purchase of some sheep pictures to hang on the wall - but they totally crack me up and had to come home with me. We came home with a spindle each, and I think 8 ounces of wool each to spin into beautiful yarns. Then we took a drive through the great state of Maryland before finally finding the beltway again near the Mormon temple.
On another note, Charlotte has learned a new way of soothing herself. Last night, she woke up in the middle of the night, cried for awhile, turned on her mobile and fell back asleep. The mobile must have some kind of hypnotic power. I swear, the music started and she keeled over and slept. I wish they worked like that on 3 yr olds. My 3 yr old is in a bad way today. Very overtired and having more fits and timeouts than necessary.
And with that, I close. I have pounds (of baby food) to puree before I sleep, and pounds to puree before before I sleep.
Friday, May 2, 2008
more job pondering by Elisabeth
This morning, at the doctor's office, Elisabeth declared that she's going to be a doctor when she grows up.
Me: What kind of doctor?
E: A doctor.
Me: but who will you help? Little girls? Mommies? Will you deliver babies?
E (in utter disgust): NOT a real doctor! I'm going to be a pretend doctor when I grow up! I have all the tools in my leeeeeeeeetle bag at home.
So, my kid will be a pretend doctor. I wonder if that ranks higher or lower than out of work actor? Its ok though - I don't really want her to leave home anyway.
Me: What kind of doctor?
E: A doctor.
Me: but who will you help? Little girls? Mommies? Will you deliver babies?
E (in utter disgust): NOT a real doctor! I'm going to be a pretend doctor when I grow up! I have all the tools in my leeeeeeeeetle bag at home.
So, my kid will be a pretend doctor. I wonder if that ranks higher or lower than out of work actor? Its ok though - I don't really want her to leave home anyway.
sickness
what is the #1 way to assure yourself a good night's sleep?
take your baby to the pediatrician - after hours appointmen even - and wait for 1.5 hours because you're concerned she has an ear infection as that is the only rational explanation for all of the screaming at night.
She did have fluid in her right ear, but it isn't yet infected. I'm pretty sure the trade was good - 1.5 hrs during my normal awake time sitting in a doc's office vs. 3.5 hours of hearing Charlotte scream in the middle of the night.
All of this illness that has had its grip on our house is here because I stupidly said "we've been relatively healthy lately." Brilliant.
And now I'm off to my own doctor for my own illness. Universe, I take it back. We have been sick recently. Three weeks in a row now. Find someone else who is dumb enough to muse about their good health!
take your baby to the pediatrician - after hours appointmen even - and wait for 1.5 hours because you're concerned she has an ear infection as that is the only rational explanation for all of the screaming at night.
She did have fluid in her right ear, but it isn't yet infected. I'm pretty sure the trade was good - 1.5 hrs during my normal awake time sitting in a doc's office vs. 3.5 hours of hearing Charlotte scream in the middle of the night.
All of this illness that has had its grip on our house is here because I stupidly said "we've been relatively healthy lately." Brilliant.
And now I'm off to my own doctor for my own illness. Universe, I take it back. We have been sick recently. Three weeks in a row now. Find someone else who is dumb enough to muse about their good health!
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