Science fair projects

Last night, I read Elisabeth a Little Critters story about a science fair. The following conversation ensued:

Me: You know, when you're a bigger girl - maybe 3rd grade - you'll get to do a science fair project every year.

E (eyes wide, voice up an octave): reeeeeeeeeallly????????

Me: Yep. What do you think you'll do your science fair project on?

E (thinks for a long time before finally coming up with...): Zebras.

Me: Zebras, really? Where will we keep zebras?

E: In the back yard. They'll eat the grass.

Me: How many zebras will you need?

E: Three. One, two, three, THREE.

Me: Well, when you do a science fair project, you're supposed to research the subject - find something out about the zebras. What are you going to find out?

E: Hmmm..... Whether or not they like their coats. They each have a coat. One purple, one yellow and one green. I want to see if they like their coats.

Me: Where are we going to get coats for zebras?

E: Oh, the zebras came with their own coats.

Me: Where do we find zebras that come with their own coats?

E (thinking again): I don't know. We'll have to look it up. On the internet. Maybe wikipedia knows!!!

We teach them right around here. I suppose now that I should actually donate money to wikipedia.

In other news, Elisabeth's latest illness, or perhaps her age, has left her selectively deaf. She can no longer hear me when I ask her to do something. She either totally ignores me or... my personal favorite... asks "what did you say?" You might remember this phenomenon from a few months ago. Well, it is back with a vengeance. My new response is "you heard me" and then going about my day. Then it occurred to me that perhaps her ears are blocked up and she can't hear me, making me feel bad for counting her to 3 when she pretended not to hear me. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm about a minute away from calling an ENT about cochlear implants. I wonder if they make a device that combats selective deafness, aka ignoring your mother. If I even whisper the word chocolate she will come running from a dead sleep. But if I'm standing directly next to her and holler that she needs to help clean up her toys I either get no response or a "what did you say?"

It is ok though, if she doesn't help clean up her toys after I say "you heard me," I just pack them up and put them away myself. What she is beginning to figure out is that when mommy puts toys away - they sleep with the fish. Or at least go into some serious hiding until she miraculously finds them one day at mommy's choosing. No yelling, I get my sweet revenge, and she eventually figures it out and cleans up when asked. I should really write a parenting book. I imagine it would be banned in 49 states (Arkansas would probably allow it).