Price check?

Charlotte's standing invitation to join the girls at Costco has officially been revoked. I turned into my own mother, and I'm sure her mother and all mothers of prior generations on Sunday as we perused the cleaning supply aisle at our Costco. Charlotte kept touching Elisabeth. Love pats turned into smacks (or "macks" as Charlotte says), and "macks" turned into kicks and pushes, which then turned into howls by the older one. At first, it was funny. "Stop touching your sister! No REALLY, don't even look at her! I don't care that you're kissing her because kisses turn into smacks and smacks turn into Elisabeth complaining! so STOP touching your sister!"

People actually snickered as they walked by. As I said, it was funny at first. But, I ask you, what exactly do you do when you have two kids, the little one literally beating on the older one, and a cart full of prizes that you've accumulated over the past hour but not yet paid for? I had a conundrum. Put her on the shelf with a price tag and walk away? You can't exactly snatch the little one baldheaded in public. Hollering at her has no effect, she laughs and says "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmack!!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmack!!!!!!!" So I took Elisabeth out of the side by side cart and made her walk next to me (which, in Costco, is actually dangerous). Charlotte, left with no one remotely her own size to beat up upon, started inflicting her physical abuse on me. Now we've ventured from funny to decidedly not funny.

I looked her in the eyes and said "stop." Then I grabbed her leg while looking into her eyes and growled "sttttttttop it NOW." I told her she didn't get to come back if she kept it up. She, of course, kept it up. Finally we got out of the store, Charlotte as happy as a lark, Elisabeth a little haggard and me, well, totally running on empty (so I got a Coke refill and a churro for the enormous price of $1.25).

As we got out of the store, I asked Charlotte if she had been a good girl in Costco. Her answer? "Nooooo." Oh, really? Why not, my dear Charlotte? "Mack mama. Mack Lizzy. Kick. Kick mama, kick Lizzy." Oh yeah? Is that what you did? Are you ever coming back to Costco with Elisabeth and mommy? "noooooooo." Damn right, kid. Not until you're 7.

I don't know what to do with that kid. She cracks me up, even her tantrums are endearing. But her little show in Costco was over the line. I know the mommy message boards have all sorts of mommy wars over the leashes that people put on their kids (proud leash owner here, its an adorable little fuzzy dog backpack, not like a leather studded neck collar!) - but can you imagine the wars over the 2 yr old straight jacket I'm developing?

I guarantee you it will be a top seller on Amazon.