Preschooler coping mechanisms

I recently picked up two books at the library on raising strong willed children. I quickly took them back because I didn't like them. One made it sound like all strong willed children will grow up to be serial killers (not cereal killers, Elisabeth's got that one down pat as evidenced by the fine layer of cereal dust covering everything we own). I don't think that Elisabeth's strong-willedness is bad, I just needed a way to deal with it. Dealing with it is probably the subject of another, less humorous, post - but suffice it to say that whatever snit she was in for the months of October, November and December has passed and she has returned to her wonderful self. No, instead, I think being strong willed is something to embrace (some might say I'm a bit strong willed).

One thing that I did find interesting out of one of the books was a suggestion that you give your child single, simple commands. So instead of saying, "Look, you need to put your shoes on because if you don't put your shoes on then I'm going to have to come over there and put them on you and then you run the risk of me snatching you bald headed...," you should say "put your shoes on now." The reasoning is simple - kids of such a tender age don't understand complex commands. I don't buy it. Some kids do understand them, and mine is one of them. However, as with all parenting books that I've read, I have now developed a sort of complex over giving Elisabeth complex commands. Not that this stops me from doing it, I just live with a collection of complexes.

Elisabeth seems to have developed two main coping mechanisms for dealing with me (I have an entire toolbox of coping mechanisms for dealing with her not the least of which is red wine...). Her first is to say "what did you say?" She doesn't say this because she doesn't understand, she says this because she doesn't like whatever it was I said.
Me: "Elisabeth, I need you to come over here and let me brush your hair..."
E: "what did you say?" (3 feet away from me)
Me: "I said, I need to brush your hair, get over here."
E: "what did you say?"

Maddening I tell you.

Her second one doesn't make me mad, it cracks me up. "Yes or no." Used to clarify an ambiguous answer. Also used to catch you doing something you shouldn't be doing. Here are two recent examples.

Baby Gate:
E: "mommy, what was that sound?
Me: "Daddy bumped into the baby gate..." (that was leftover from when my niece visited)
E: "why?"
Me: "I dont know... it was in the way."
E: "we're not allowed to touch the baby gate."
Me: "no, YOU're not allowed to touch the baby gate."
E: (yelling) "DAAAADDDDY - DID YOU BUMP THE BABY GATE?"
D: "I just brushed it when I walked by."
E: "Daddy, did you bump the baby gate - YES OR NO" (I wish text conveyed tone of voice, but imagine your mother saying this to you and you'll begin to understand).
D: "uh, yes?"
E: "DADDY, we're NOT supposed to touch the baby gate."

And to bring this full circle, one more example from today:

E: "Mommy, can I have a juice box?"
Me: "Well, you already had one today and you only get to have one a day."
E: "YES OR NO?"
Me: "No."
E: "What did you say?"